My Judicial Affairs Letter

I had to write a letter to Judicial Affairs about the rabbit in my room. Here it is.

I ask that when I am placed in the stalks in front of town, spare me my dignity and honor. My grievous wrongdoing was bad, I know, but I understand my punishment. Let the physical pain be all there is to give me.
It was a foul, rainy day when my letter arrived to me. It was the indictment that was inevitable, the eviction. I had been harboring a fugitive hare for quite some time. I assumed that eventually the rage of my neighbors boiled over. Some of the extremely discontent advocated a violent solution, reaching to the very heads of state. Luckily, cooler minds prevailed and the authorities were contacted.
Their rage was justified in what that hare did to interrupt their everyday lives. It would scream throughout the night, disrupting quiet hours. How would they catch up on their sleep? While my back was turned that filthy hare would open up my drawers and rub its disgusting, germ-infested hairs on my unworn clothing. When I stepped out of my room I was the allergenic equivalent of the hydrogen bomb.
A comrade of mine who was visiting decided to take the hare home with him. There she will have the company of other filthy hares in the University of Rochester. That institution is noted for the serious allergen problems had by students, since small animals run untamed in their hallways. It is a serious issue that causes the very academic spokes that run the show to stutter and fail.
My prayers have been with my friend, hopefully he can make the trek back without incident. Hares are known to be carnivorous when without food for long periods of time.
I have complied with the judge’s order for re-education. What a profound effect the presentation had upon me! The decisions that Holocaust survivor juxtaposed next to the teenager who was simply too loaded to do the right thing really spoke to me. I actually was so compelled by the comparison that I proceeded to apply all my maligned collegiate decisions to various pogroms.
As the day closes, and my punishment ends, I hope we can all put this ordeal behind us. The dark ages are no longer with us, and we can now resume prosperity in our community. I will never falter like this again, for the damage I have done was far too great.